Marriage is a one sided. What made this a revelation is when my spouse asked me the other day "What would you do if I weren't here?" I thought for a moment that had to respond that I couldn't do it without her. She is my rock. She handles so many things that I have no clue about that if she were not around? I would not be able to keep the kids alive. So, what am or should I do about it. First and foremost, thank her for all that she does. I definitely don't do that enough. Secondly, start taking over many of the things that she is doing. This will allow her more time to do the things that stresses her out. Do I have the time to do that? No, probably not, but this is not about me, it is about her and the kids. What I need to do is live my life like I am a single parent taking care of everything. If I look for appreciation or acknowledgement for doing this, I am being selfish. I used to think that by being happy with myself I would be a better person. What really needs to happen, is that the conditions of my life need to foster those happy feelings, and if they don't, then I need to change them for the better.
Funny thing, as I am typing this, an e-mail notification came through, reminding me of a social gathering with the group I play hockey with. Although, I don't get to play much anymore, I would like to go and see everyone. But, other things need to be done. So I think that I am going to miss this event.
One of the things that has added to my wife's stress is the house. Every time the house gets cluttered, we both get stressed. In the past, I've left her stuff alone and thought that the clutter was her fault. Well, the clutter is my fault and I need to clean it up. We will both be much happier if the house is not stressing us out. By accepting the clutter, we are teaching our kids that living in such conditions is acceptable, when it really is not. We need to clean up our act so that the kids will too.
This is the time of year that we should reflect on the past year, and plan for the upcoming year. We all want things to change for the better. Many of us sit around waiting for others to change or hope that things we have no control over change. We need to be the change we would like to see. For the only thing that we can change is ourselves and not others. When I look back, I not only see the times that I was selfish, lost my temper, or procrastinated, I also see the time that I actually accomplished things. For the most part, when I reflect on the past the focus is on what went wrong or the bad. For we truly learn from our mistakes and not necessarily our successes. My mistakes have stressed out me and those around me. Now is the time for me to take control for my own happiness and not to think that my wife will do things that will make me happy. If I make those around me happier, I will be happier and everyone wins.
Happy Wife equals Happy Life.
Oh and if you want to know, I am still making stides in inproving my health and lossing weight. I am half way to my goal in weight loss, but way behind in building my base for next years triathlon season. As the year continues and the healthy and happy habits develope around the house, I would hope that more time frees up so I can work on my conditioning.
